I know I’ve blogged about this before, but here I go again (more in depth) because I am very passionate about this topic.

It annoys me when people are constantly complaining about how much they’ve done for you and how you’ve never done anything in return.  Or how it’s always a fight on who’s done more than who.  Or how unappreciative you are of their goodwill.

Well, does it matter?  Does it really matter?  If you did something from the goodness of your heart, why does it matter if that person returned the favor? Any kind of favor in any way.

Some people live on the rule of karma.  Do good and you shall receive good in return.  Do bad, and your punishment will match your crime.  So, when these people do good, they expect good in return.

I helped you out, so in the future, when I need you, you have to help me.
I’ve helped you out, so I would appreciate it if you don’t screw me over.

It’s like a lifetime debt sort of thing.  Because even if you feel you’ve done a lot for them, these type of people will bring it up every time they feel like a victim to you.  Every time you deny their requests for anything.  Or every time you fail to be nice, to be considerate.

To me, it doesn’t work that way.  I guess you can say that I’m kind of cynical when it comes to people.  People don’t recognize your goodwill.  They don’t.  So, if you’re doing good deeds because you want to be recognized for it, then stop.  Stop helping people.   That shouldn’t be the basis of your goodwill.

I don’t want people to do something for me when they expect something in return.  If that’s the reason for you helping me, I don’t want it.  I don’t.

I do something for someone because I want to, not because I expect something in return or because I want to be remembered or recognized for it.  I do something for someone because I love that person, I care, because I want to.  I don’t want people to ever feel like they owe me because they don’t.   My good deeds are from the goodness of my heart.  (Yes, I am a contradictory person.  I don’t believe in the goodness of people, but when I do something for someone, it comes from the bottom of my heart.  I don’t expect anything from that person).  And even if the person I helped screwed me over, I don’t hold a grudge and say, “I’ve done so much for you and this is how you repay me!”   I don’t dwell on it.

I appreciate the people in my life.  I appreciate everyone who has helped me in the past.  I really do appreciate everyone and everything from the bottom of my heart.  However, just because a person doesn’t appreciate you the way you want them to, it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate you. To them, they probably feel that they’ve done a lot for you.  Same as how you feel you’ve done a lot for them.

7 thoughts on “Good deeds and appreciation

  1. I agree with you. It’s very hard to finc people with a sincere heart these days. Btw, I love your blog, I put it in my blogroll and I subcribe! Keep on writting.

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  2. It sounds like something happening in the background with loved ones or friends.

    Hope you sort it all out. I’m past that…because I lost one of my sisters recently and things are just different.

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  3. honestly..i don’t expect anything because in my scenario it sometimes seems like this. What do you think??
    I do something because I love and care for someone. I DON’T EXPECT anything from these very close people!! I don’t but what if it was kind of the other way around. You do something for someone because you care for them right and when they ask you to do it you do it!! You give and give and give right? And even when you tell them no, they NEED you to help to him so their is no option for NO. But when it comes to other people they have very little respect for you because your reputation is not as high as others. Well if you just keep giving your gonna expect something back. Maybe just a little recognition…. . Its like you do good but they expect MORE from you. But YOU never ask anything from them. And trust me..giving is very hard to do when everyone around you is not independent and everyone is suffering and poor…
    Its sad when the more you give the more it seems like people are just taking advantage of you! And its not this situation where I give and you give. Its like they ask you and you have no option but to give..yet they expect more from you..and look down on you like your unworthy. SAD..

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    1. That’s why you have to set your boundaries with people. Whether they are family or not, you still need to set boundaries. You will do this for this person, but when it comes to that, you won’t do it. Setting boundaries ensures that we are not taken advantage of.

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  4. I happened to stumble upon your blog & agree with you. I was just recently yelled at by a friend because of something she didn’t like I said to, then didn’t acknowledge someone who helped her help me. Let me explain… Two years ago, a friend gave me several pair of jeans for Christmas. She got them for free from a friend of hers who owns a clothing store, who wanted to help her do something nice for me when I was struggling. In July, another friend invited me to join her & a group of ladies out. When I got there, they had already eaten & been drinking. The friend that gave me the jeans introduced me to the clothing store owner, making it a point to let me know she was the one who gave her the jeans to give to me. I greeted her then said something about losing weight & unfortunately not being able to wear them (mind you, it had been a year & a half). Since that evening, I have not become friends with the store owner, or even seen her. Now, it’s November, I decided to venture out last weekend and stopped by to visit a friend who was working at said store (the friend that invited me to dinner in July). As I walked up, the store owner & my friend were out front…I yelled, “hey!” as I approached them and hugged my friend who I went up there to see. She was acting very weird & I sensed some tension, so walked away to go meet up with another friend (the one that gave me the jeans). I eventually found her, but to my surprise, she started yelling at me about not directly acknowledging her friend (the clothing store owner). She proceeded to tell me that it was rude of me to mention losing weight when she introduced me to her months ago…apparently, I should have just said “thank you” and left it at that. I spent the whole weekend feeling bad about offending or hurting someone’s feelings (who is really just an acquaintance). When, I tried to send a note letting her know that it was not my intention to do so, my friend (who gave me the gift) basically told me that my apologize wasn’t good enough because it didn’t seem sincere enough. At that point, I decided not to send one at all. After all, like you said, people should do good deeds for the sake of doing good…not because they expect something in return and that includes gratitude or acknowledgement. I started to ask myself, why did my friend have to introduce her as “the one who gave you those clothes”?

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