It angers me when people blame the victim of a crime for the crime which they never committed. It angers me even more when these victims are victims of a sexual assault (SA). These stupid ignorant people (they should be glad I didn’t call them worse names) are too stupid and ignorant to know the dynamics of an SA. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll change how they think if they were to end up being sexually assaulted themselves. However, I would never wish this on another person.
I know how traumatic it is for anyone at any age, not matter how much money they have, how educated they are, or even what sexual orientation they are. I empathize with them.
Because I have been exposed to the realities of SA, I don’t get surprised when I read that the media and community are blaming a rape victim (most recent huge news is the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl from Texas in March). I do get worked up a little because no victim needs to be victimized all over again. However, I can easily let it go. Get angry and then brush it off.
It is different when you hear people you know (either an acquaintance or family member) victim-blame. When it happens, I think: Why do I know you? How can we be related? How do I know someone so stupid and ignorant? It makes me just want to sever my ties with stupid people. But then again, when I can, I try to educate them about the dynamics of SA. But most of the time, stupid people are too stupid to understand. You pick and choose your battles, and battling with stupid stubborn people—who always believe they are right even when they clearly don’t know what they’re talking about—are not worth getting worked up over. Say your piece, “I think you’re wrong. The victim didn’t deserve that no matter what,” then let it go. Don’t argue. Just state your opinion briefly and walk away.
These are comments I’ve heard from people I know:
“It ain’t nobody’s fault but hers for trying to be a hoodrat.”
“She should’ve never put herself in that situation.”
“She should’ve known better.”
“Who told her to dress that way?”
“I told you to not leave with them!”
“She was teasing them, that’s why.”
“She shouldn’t be doing things she can’t handle.”
“She was asking for it.”
“Well, why was she drinking anyway?”
“She’s just looking for attention.”
Did you notice that the comments only refer to females? I have yet to hear people ridiculing, criticizing, and blaming a straight adult male rape/SA victim. Please let me know in the comment section below if you have.
The other day, my sister commented, “It’s interesting how people teach us how to not get raped. They don’t teach society to not rape.”
That’s quite true. Growing up, I was always told to not wear such short skirts or low cut tops, to not hang out with people of the opposite sex, to never stay out late. My mom would lecture me, and yet say nothing to my brothers about respecting females, especially when it came to doing something they didn’t want to do.
Society teaches us that rape/SA is a crime (Of course! It’s in our law books)! Society also teaches us that the victim takes full responsibility (Refer to comments above).
In the event of a rape or sexual assault, it is never the victim’s fault. No matter how she acts, how she dresses, or how she looks like. No matter what she is doing before the assault, who she is with, or whether she is under the influence of alcohol or drugs. NEVER. It is the responsibility of the perpetrator who chooses to assault another person. Please remember that next time you’re about to blame a girl for being sexually assaulted.