I will never forget a conversation I had with an acquaintance of mine. Seeing how “well-behaved” my spouse is, she asked how I trained him so well.
“Excuse me?” I asked, confused as to what she was referring to.
“I mean, train him to be such a good husband. He lets you go out with your girlfriends while he stays at home and watches the children. He cooks for you. He also cleans and does the laundry when you don’t feel like doing it. He probably gives you more freedom and does more for you than my boyfriend does. How did you train him so well?”
I thought she was joking, so I laughed—really loud—only to find out that she was completely serious.
You should train your boyfriend or husband exactly how you would train a dog. Use treats to reinforce good behavior. Repeat the training over and over again until he gets it. Get a boyfriend whistle and when he misbehaves, blow it so that it’ll give him a screeching sound, so deafening that he’ll not misbehave—ever again. A leash wouldn’t hurt. Tie him up when you don’t want him to stray.
But really, train?
So many times, I hear women tell their bride-to-be or newly-wed girlfriends that they should start training their partners before it’s too late. I have never understood that concept. I do understand that a relationship dynamic changes once one is married. But I don’t believe you should force another person to change.
If your partner is doing something that you do not like, let your partner know and communicate your feelings. Don’t nag. If he doesn’t care, then maybe it’s time to lose him. You cannot force another person to change. And you also do not deserve to be mistreated. In a relationship, there has to be communication and respect. I guess, you can take this as how to train your man.
How did I get my spouse help me with the children and housework? How did I get him to “allow” me to have time to myself and go out with my girlfriends? How did I get him to listen to me?
Well, you have to look at the reason why one would believe that it is not a man’s job to do any of the above (because it is a surprise to some when a man does so). Society and traditional gender roles. It is a woman’s role to take care of the home and children. She cannot go out with her friends, let alone have a social life (because her role is in the home). And a manly man does not listen, should be aggressive, and is in control—more specifically in control of his partner.
Although he is more traditional than I am, he does not follow all traditions. That doesn’t make him any less of a man. He and I agree in mutual responsibilities of the home. We also agree on having our own “me” time—which is very important to sustain our relationship (I may talk about this more in another blog). And we have learned to communicate and listen to each other’s needs and wants over the years.
Getting your partner to do something you want them to do may be very hard, especially when he doesn’t want to do it. If you know applied behavioral analysis, you could use some of the methods to modify human behavior. Or you could visit these links below (Of course, you can find them on the first page of Google by searching “how to train your boyfriend”):