“Act like you’re married,” my mom used to always scold me. How must married
women people act?
I never took a course in high school or college on how to behave like a married person. My mom taught me to cook and clean. Actually, I take that back—she told me I should watch others so I can learn how to cook and clean. All I know is that married woman should cook, clean, and take care of the husband and children. That was easy to figure out. And so, I cooked and cleaned whenever I felt like it. I am sure I take care of Mermaid and my children in the best way I possibly can. And yet, I still hear it, “Stop acting like you’re still single!”
Hmmm…. What am I doing wrong?
It took me a while to find out. Boy, have I had it backwards this whole time.
Married people must dress accordingly.
Married women need to dress like they’re married. And if you have children, you need to dress like you have children. That means, no skirts or dresses, no low-cut shirts or tank tops; definitely no heels or new clothes; and no make-up. Be practical about it. What responsible wife and mother would wear uncomfortable clothes when she is running errands, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children? Women with children should have stains on their clothes to show that they are loving, caring, nurturing mothers. When a mother wears nicely washed and ironed clothes, it shows that she neglects her children (I mean, come on!).
Married men need to lose those jeans and t-shirts from their teen and college days and dress more like a grown married man: in slacks, button-up shirt, and preferably a tie. If you want to take it up a notch, wear a suit—every day. It shows you’re important and have reputation and prestige. Additionally, you must work in a white-collar, 8-5, job that provides more than enough for your family. Married men are financially stable and responsible.
Married people only dress up on the rare special occasions that they attend together as a couple. Anthropologically, culturally, scientifically, and historically, when people dress up, it’s because they’re fluffing up their plumage to seek a potential mate. There should be no reason why a married person should dress up. And when they do [DUN DUN DUN!], it’s because they’re seeking love and attention from a different mate.
Married people must only hang out with other married people.
It’s too bad if you’re the only married one from your current group of friends. Drop these single friends (because they will do you no good) and make new friends with people like you—married people.
It is detrimental to your marriage when you hang out with the “Singles.” Yep, THE SINGLES. They are a group of uncommitted people out to ruin the oh-so-holy institution of marriage. They drink. They smoke. I wouldn’t be surprised if they do drugs. They club and party like there is no tomorrow. They live the single life. You do not want to associate yourself with the likes of them.
There you are, glued to this wonderful person for the rest of your life. You have no business hanging out with the singles whose only influence is negative. The singles only mingle because their main goal is to hook that fish from the sea. They are bad news; get away from them as far as possible! When you hang out with the singles, you will start to mimic their single behavior and wreak havoc in your marriage.
It’s safe to be friends with married people. Married people are committed to their unions. You know they will not lead you astray. They understand the value of marriage. Your spouse will be more at east knowing you are hanging out with responsible people who will only teach the importance of maintaining your marriage.
Married people must not have friends of the opposite sex.
I could’ve added this to the segment above, but since it’s so important, it deserves its own section.
Let me repeat: Married people should not have friends of the opposite sex. If you’re a man, you cannot have a woman friend. If you’re a woman, you cannot have a man friend. It might have been okay when you were still dating, but marriage brings a whole different dynamic. Friends of the opposite gender is a BIG no-no.
Men and women cannot be friends because they were created to mate. It’s only natural for a man to be attracted to a woman (and vice versa), even if that person is a friend. If your spouse has a male/female friend, they are bound to fall for each other—that is, if they have not already. Don’t be naïve; it’s the inevitable! If you cherish your marriage, you must stop your spouse at all costs!
Married people must not have fun.
Married people are busy adults. They have their spouses, aging parents, jobs, homes, and children to care for. If married people have time to play, then that means they are not spending enough time to cultivate their home. You should not have a night hanging out with friends. When you’re friends with the right people (please refer to above), you know they do not have the time to spend with you because they are busy with their own family.
Married people must not go to bars or clubs.
Bars and clubs are no place for someone who is married. These venues are places where the singles hook up. Married people are only looking to cheat if they go to the bar or the club. Shame on them!
And don’t give me the excuse that you’re only there to hang out and have fun. We all know why you’re at the club. We all know you’re tired of your spouse and want to find a hot, sexy, person to sleep with. A married person cannot go out alone or with friends to these places and avoid temptation. You’re a liar if you say you’re just there to have fun.
And even if your motive is pure, other people’s aren’t. How many times can a friend cockblock until you finally submit to that cute guy/girl sexually assaulting you on the dance floor? You can ignore it once, twice, but we all know how fragile any person is to temptation. Eve didn’t take a bite out of the Forbidden Apple for a reason, ya know.
There you have it, the 5 musts and must nots of married people. Happy marriage!