Happy Birthday

I turned 30.

When I was younger, I used to think that 30 was old. Being a teenager or fresh out of high school, I could not fathom being 30. Thirty is old! So old! I’m so old! My life has ended…. (<—sarcasm).

I am no sage, but I have learned many things while trekking through life. Many of them I learned from my own experience and others I learned from watching people live their lives. Some of them are very cliche (yeah, I know; life is a bunch of cliches). I’ll share 30 of them with you today.

  1. Not everyone will like you.
    Don’t expect people to like you. Stop going out of your way to please those who only look at you with disdain. Put that energy in fostering relationships with those who care for your time and love.
  2. Give freely without expectation of reciprocation.
    There’s the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This makes us believe that if we do good for someone, that person owes us or that person should exhibit a similar behavior towards us. We cannot predict another person’s actions, and we cannot hold another person accountable for something we did for them (unless, of course, we had an ulterior motive). My golden rule: Give freely without any expectation of reciprocation. You will end up being much happier and less full of resentment.
  3. Focus on the things that you can control.
    There are many things in this world that we cannot control. The weather, our work environment, certain situations, and other people—just to name a few. Instead of putting our energy on things that we cannot change (as we tend to do), try focusing on the things that we can change. It leaves room for less stress.
  4. Create healthy boundaries.
    Recognize that we have a right to our personal boundaries. We get to say no.  It’s about us making sure we are allowing ourselves to have relationships with others, while at the same time, making sure others are not crossing the line.
  5. Forgive.
    Forgiveness is as much for oneself as it is for the other person. Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened to you, but letting go of the resentment that came along with the experience.
  6. Do self-care.
    If you don’t take care and love yourself, no one else will. Take time outs from your hectic schedule and have some “me” time. Read a book, paint, get a massage, spend time with family/friends, make your annual doctor appointments. Self-care also means setting healthy boundaries (Number 4).
  7. Stop comparing.
    There are two types of self-comparing-talk. One is “She is such a successful person; I want to be just like that!” The other is “She is such a successful person; why can’t I be like that” or “I will never be like that.” The latter prevents us from growing to our greatest potential. We are our own individuals. There is no point in comparing ourselves to others if we are going to bring us down.
  8. Communicate.
    No one is a mind-reader. If you want something, speak up or you will never get it.
  9. Stop waiting on good things to happen to you.
    It bothers me when I hear people say, “I’ve done enough good for the world. It’s now my time to sit and wait for the good to befall me.” The good—whatever that is to you—will come to you if you work for it. Good things don’t come to people who do nothing. Good things come to those who are always striving for good (Refer back to number 2).
  10. Acknowledge your mistakes.
    Let go of your ego or your pride. Acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and learn from them..
  11. Don’t hold grudges.
    When I was younger, I used to think that the longer I hold a grudge, the more it’s going to hurt the other individual. I was wrong. The only person I hurt was  me. I was filled with such resentment that I became toxic to myself and the people around me. This goes along with number 5.
  12. Be alone.
    Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely.
    This video does a great job articulating what it means to be alone:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
  13. Family doesn’t necessarily mean blood.
    I am blessed to have many people come into my life who I’m proud to call family. They may not be from the same mother and father, but they’ve been with me through so much that we’re practically family.
  14. Everyone has a story.
    Before being quick to judge someone, whether it is from their appearance or from gossip, remember that that person may have a story that you do not know about.
  15. Be flexible.
    As the famous Confucius stated, “The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.” Give up control when time doesn’t call for it.
  16. Don’t assume things.
    Don’t assume or read between the lines. Your assumption could lead to misunderstanding.
  17. Gratitude.
    Be thankful. Don’t take things for granted.
  18. “Stop and smell the roses.”
    Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we are always going and going and going. Time passes quickly. Be mindful and stay present because we can never get that time back.
  19. Spend quality time with family.
    This ties in the the previous one. It’s safe to say that the reason why many of us work, why we strive to better ourselves is for family. Sometimes we get so caught up with these things that we forget the main purpose of why we work so hard. Quality time does not mean being in the same room doing separate things. Give your undivided time and attention to those you love.
  20. Lose the toxic people in your lives.
    It doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends for 10 years or if they’re family. Toxic people will bring you down, hurt you, lie to you, and more. It is especially hard to deal with these people when they are unaware that they’re polluting the people around them. Sometimes, we just have to put up very strict boundaries with toxic people—one of them being writing them out of your life.
  21. Celebrate.
    Celebrate life, love, anniversaries, birthdays. Celebrate anything you feel happy about. Just celebrate.
  22. Laugh.
    Laugh a lot. It can cure many things.
  23. Cry. A lot.
    There is no shame in having emotions, even negative ones. Embrace it. Feel it. What really matters is how you deal with the negativity in your life.
  24. Create a strong support system.
    You’re more likely to overcome hard times when you have a strong support system, people who can go to when you’re down. They are those who will tell you like it is, but not judge you or make you feel this little.
  25. Simplicity.
    Adults make life too complicated then complain about life being so. Declutter. Get rid of things that are taking up space. This applies to all aspects of our lives: physical space, emotional space, and material possessions. Create more free time and let go of busy-ness.
  26. Be a kid.
    Learn from kids. They have life down well. They make it so simple. Sleep when you’re tired. Eat when you’re hungry. Play when you’re bored. Express yourself without holding back. Make up when you’re over it. Give hugs and kisses freely. Love unconditionally.
  27. Breathe.
    Don’t forget to breathe. Sometimes, just taking some deep breaths will be the medicine you need to de-stress.
  28. Give Respect.
    Everyone deserves respect. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like the person, if you admire the person, if the person is a family member or a stranger. However, don’t expect others to respect you just because you respect them. There will be people who do not respect you and that should not matter (refer to 1, 2,  3, 21 and more).
  29. It’s okay to be perceived as a bitch.
    When you’re assertive and people don’t like it, you’re a bitch. When you know what you want and work for it, you’re a bitch. When you’re opinionated, you’re a bitch. When you set boundaries and people don’t like hearing no, you’re a bitch. When you stand up for yourself, you’re a bitch. Yes, there are circumstances where it’s okay for people to think you’re a bitch.
  30. Take ownership of your life.
    This is the most important. All of the above relate to this one one way or another. Reiterate: MOST IMPORTANT (Yes, I’m yelling because it’s important!).Your parents may think they know what’s best for you. Your friends may believe they know you. But only you can be the captain of your life. You get to make decisions for yourself. No one else knows you as much as you know yourself. Sometimes the process of getting to know yourself takes a long time, but essentially, you get to decide what you need and want.Taking ownership of your life also comes with taking ownership of your issues and mistakes. Because when you do, you can finally do something about them instead of constantly blaming others for your misfortune.

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